What to do When Your Holiday Guest is an Addict

It’s every holiday host’s worse nightmare: a guest who is an alcoholic or a drug addict. When not inviting the guest — a loved one, a professional partner or associate — is not an option, how do you prepare for the worst-case scenario?

The guest might be unaware of his or her substance abuse problem, or knows but can’t help but over-indulge during celebrations. In any case, the toxic guest is not interested in treatment. With nearly 21 million Americans addicted to drugs or alcohol, almost every household is just one or degrees of separation from this very real problem.

Here to help with this dilemma is Dr. Constance Scharff, PhD, research director at Cliffside Malibu, one of the nation’s preeminent addiction treatment centers. Dr. Scharff, the co-author of the best-selling book Ending Addiction for Good, is available for immediate comment. In the meantime, she offers these helpful tips:

• Limit drink time. If you know someone coming to your party has a substance abuse problem, don’t have a cocktail hour before dinner. Instead, offer nonalcoholic beverages and delicious snacks. There is so much drinking around the holidays that your non-substance abusing friends will find this a relief and if no one is drinking, it is harder for your substance abusing guest to indulge.
• Allow for an early exit. If your heroin addicted son is coming to Christmas dinner to see his dying grandmother, set very firm rules that you expect him to act appropriately during dinner. Let him know that he may come for dinner and only dinner. Keep to your boundaries. Let him make an excuse to leave early and allow him to do so.
• Suggest treatment. A lot of addicts think they are hiding their problem. While during Christmas dinner or over a game of dreidel isn’t the time for an intervention, pull your loved one aside at some point and let them know how much you love them and want the best for them. Be direct that you want them to get help and will support them in that effort.