To Wait or Not to Wait: When to Sleep With Your Partner

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By: Jessica Danielle Ramirez

Should I, or should I not wait? Will my decision mean he’ll think less of me? Would it mean we are together? What if I am just one of the many girls on his list?

Many questions often linger on your mind in the beginning stages of a relationship. Deciding on when you should sleep with your new-found romance is tricky.

Most, of course not all, women have a hesitation of sleeping with a man early on, and with a good reasons – from not knowing the other person well enough (or their sexual history), to the beliefs and ideology that the woman may have been brought up with.

Dr. Mamiko Odegard Ph.D. is quoted saying, “For most women, having sexual relations suggests a deeper emotional commitment and changes the feelings that the woman has toward her partner.” 

No woman wants to be labeled easy or a “slut”. And because of this warranted fear of possible judgment or persecution, women often spend a lot of time thinking about when it would be “appropriate” to sleep with their partner.

There is no real timeline because every relationship is different. In the past, and even to this day, women are often told to make the man wait as long as possible. But why is it that some women engage early on with a man and others do not?

Dr. Odergard continued, “Women who don’t value themselves are more frequently ones that engage in sex early on.” Some men can sense insecurity and use it to toy with a woman’s emotions, which can lead her to question her worth and attractiveness. 

“You’ve seen these women who put their guys on a pedestal and don’t want to hear how they are being used, put down, and disrespected by them,” she explained. “No woman wants to be considered a ‘one night stand’ anxiously wondering if her guy will call her again.”

Some may argue that their relationship was fine even when they had sex early on; but for some, that’s not always their case. “It’s alright to sleep with a partner after several months, if there is mutual caring, tenderness, and agreement of what it means to be sexually involved,” stated Dr. Odegard.

There is no denying that dating in today’s culture can be complicated. Deciding when to take it to the next level (and if you’re ready) can make or break a budding relationship, especially if it’s not “official”.

“Remember, once you have sex together, this changes your relationship,” she said. But sometimes, that’s the risk you should be willing to take.

Dr. Mamiko Odegard has helped thousands of individuals and couples become happy, loving, and enjoying success with her over 30 years’ experience as a coach, psychologist, and therapist. You may contact her by visiting her website at www.actonlove.com.