To Call or Not to Call: What to do When You Find Yourself Visiting the Past
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By: Jessica Danielle Ramirez
Recollections of you and your partner still linger in the back of your mind. Whenever you hear the name of the one who brought you moments of happiness, you secretly wish it was him. You have convinced yourself that he is not the one for you and you may even be resentful of him.
However, there is a small place in your heart that makes you want to talk to him, hoping to start over or wishing for a change.
We have all been there, we have all gone through it, and we have all had the one who we cannot let go.
Dating and relationships coach, Gladys Diaz from Heart’s Desire International said the main reason why people go back to their ex is out of fear. “Sometimes the ‘comfort’ of being with someone familiar—even if all signs point to that person not being the right one for you—is less comfortable than the thought of being alone forever.”
There are instances, however, when a couple mutually decides to get back together. If that is the case, it is best to focus on what you were doing that was not working. “While you can express to the other person what you want and don’t want, you can only make changes in yourself,” she said.
Of course, you can wish and try to change your partner to where the relationship works out next time around, but ultimately the change rests in your partner’s hands. “Real, lasting change can only ever come from within and only when someone chooses to change his or her own free will,” explained Diaz.
If you do decide that reuniting with him is your heart’s desire, then
prepare yourself for opinions from all whom you have shared your relationship details with. “If said with love and respect, and if you’re not trying to ‘defend’ your decision, your family and friends will want to support you,” she stated.
However, if you have decided not to take the reuniting route, then be ready for the grieving stage. “It would be strange not to miss or want to speak or reconnect with someone you have loved for an extensive period of time,” said Diaz.
Time is of the essence when it comes to getting over someone. Diaz does encourage women to work with a coach who can guide you through the steps of moving on. “Learning how to stop toxic patterns and behaviors that may have resulted in the relationship not working out,” she added, “can prepare you and your heart to be ready to love again.”
The next time you are tempted to pick up the phone and call up a previous relationship, the best thing to do is to follow your heart, but also ask yourself, why are you “checking in” or revisiting a past love. Proceed from there and be ready for anything.
Gladys Diaz is a Dating and Relationship coach and Co-founder of Heart’s Desire International. To ask questions or learn more about the “Ready to Love Again” Program, you may contact her by visiting her website at www.heartsdesireintl.com.
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