Dating Your Friend’s Ex: Choosing the Path of Loyalty or Longevity

By: Jessica Danielle Ramirez

Practically everyone has a close friend of the opposite sex with whom you can tell anything. You’ve known each other for years or even decades, and it’s clear that people may suspect you two are together. But you’re not.

You’re just his friend. It’s always been that way. You two have been friends as you’ve dated other people. As time passes, he may date someone you’re friends with as well. Come to find out, you’ve developed feelings for each other. But he’s dated your friend and it’s complicated..

What should you do? There are some women that say they could never look past the fact that he has been with her friend. But can you really pass up the friendship, longevity, and memories because of this?

Some may say no, but sex and happiness coach Laurie Handlers says otherwise. However, it would take a great amount of communication with both your friend and romantic interest.

“I would highly recommend that you speak to them separately and then possibly together to really see how your gut tells you to move with this person you’re intending to date,” said Handlers.

And while making your decision to move forward (or not), always keep in mind the possibility that his true relationship colors may show.

“The ex may exhibit the same characteristics in relation to you that he/she did in relation to your friend,” she explained.

And the choice to have a romantic relationship may take the biggest toll of all.

“It could cost you the friendship which is never pleasant.”

Regardless of your stance on dating a friend’s ex, it’s almost always looked down upon.

“It makes the friend suspicious as to whether or not you are really their friend,” she explained. “If you know all the secrets of what happened in and out of their intimacy, it can feel like the ultimate betrayal.”

Whatever road you decide to take, it’s best to weigh your options. Choose what’s most important to you; and of course, communicate.

Laurie Handlers is a sex and happiness coach at Butterfly Workshops located in Phoenix, Arizona. You may contact her by visiting her website at www.ButterflyWorkshops.com