A Tribute to Dr. Paul Brenchley's Mentorship

By Dr. Nicolas Porter

I recently had the opportunity to speak with a dear friend of mine who is going through some of life’s many challenges. My friend, Mike, is going through a difficult time in his marriage and a morning full of calls from family and friends who, though with good intentions, had no idea the negative impact their comments were having.

As Mike explained his situation during our 30 minute conversation, it became apparent to me that the issues he was dealing with, though on the surface felt extraordinarily difficult and hard to think through, were mostly fictional assumptions in a dramatized story that he had been telling himself all morning – to the point of blowing up and becoming drastically overwhelmed.

“I feel like I take two steps forward and then all of a sudden, three steps back! I just can’t handle the guilt anymore,” Mike expressed.

You see, friends… Each of us is telling ourselves a story. In our own life, the story that exists between our ears and the story that actually exists to others can be two entirely different things. And, depending on your mental toughness and strength, the story we tell ourselves has an enormous ability to ruin our day. Perception is reality. I’ll repeat. Perception is reality. Our perception of things, whether true or not, becomes our reality.

It’s for this reason that so many self-help gurus advise us to do ALL we can to be mentally tough; to develop ways to control our thoughts because after all, our thoughts become our feelings, our feelings become our actions and eventually our actions make up who we are as a person – good or bad. It all starts with our thoughts – the story we are telling ourselves each and every second.

Now, back to Mike. I shared with Mike the above concept – that in reality, he had not moved back three steps at all, but that the story he was telling himself had been altered simply due to a few phone calls made to him by well intentioned, but poorly executed loved ones. No fault to them, really. I expressed to Mike that everything was in HIS control; that he, indeed, HAD taken two steps forward and the three steps backwards comment was just his own bit of fiction in the story that he was telling himself.

As I was sharing, it dawned on me the importance of having someone in our lives – I’ll call that person a Mentor – who is willing and able to keep the story real and accurate for us in these times of great need when we are not only listening to the story told to us by others, but also, and even more importantly, the story we tell ourselves everyday.

A mentor is someone who keeps us from falling in to the trap of thinking we are somewhere or something that we are not; someone who believes in us until we have enough belief in ourselves; someone who is able to fix and put in to better focus our perception so that our reality is seen by us the same way it is seen by others (because 99% of the time, our perception of ourselves is much worse than the reality).

In last week’s article, I mentioned how I allowed a coach at a baseball camp to tell me I wasn’t good enough; that where I grew up mattered. And, I also mentioned that I listened to that voice for the next 10 years as I frantically tried to figure out what I wanted my life to be about.

Well, as some of you know, I almost let this voice tell me that I wasn’t good enough to be a dentist. I was telling myself the story that there was no way I could go to school for that long and pay that much money and that I wasn’t smart enough or good enough to be a dentist. But, everything in life happens for a reason.

Since I “couldn’t be a dentist,” I was determined that I would become a dental hygienist. So, as a student with no dental experience, I sought out and found an entry-level dental position with a dentist who would soon change my life. I went to work for Dr. Paul Brenchley, one of the most charming, amazing and kindhearted individuals I had ever met. I’ve never in my life had someone take me under his or her wing and believe in me more than this man did. He changed my life.

When Dr. B wasn’t in the back office talking to me about my schooling, my life, my dreams and goals, he was in the dental lab showing me a thing or two during our spare time that interested me enough to finally open up to him about being a dentist.

Dr. B changed the story in my life. He started believing in me until I had enough belief in myself. More specifically, he helped me focus in and started helping me tell the true story about myself instead of this fiction that I had been telling myself for 10 years. I started to believe that I was good enough, that it did NOT matter where I grew up and that I could do whatever I set my mind to.

Dr. Brenchley and his partner, Dr. Bill Choules, changed my life by taking care of some extremely embarrassing dental needs that I had. They gave to me a labor of love and inspired an event that currently stands as our biggest giveback day of the year – The Labor of Love event held every year in which each Risas Dental location gives away $30,000 in dental care in 4 hours. To date, this inspired event has given away almost $1,000,000 in free dental care since 2011! 

I can stand before anyone of you reading this and promise you that if it were not for a very small handful of mentors in my life, especially Dr. Brenchley, who helped shape my perception to be accurate, I would not be where I am today. I believe it to be the most important key to arriving at a level of success that many people want, but have no idea how to get to.

I recently learned of Dr. Brenchley’s passing. Just a few short weeks ago he passed away at the age of 77. I am sad to report that I did not learn of his passing until a week after his funeral. I wish I could have let him know what an impact he made on me; that his mentorship came at a critical time in my life and that without it, I would not be where I am today. A mentoring relationship can be the most satisfying of any in your life. Make it a goal to find someone in your life that you trust to set you straight when you need it. It doesn’t have to be someone with an advanced education or special degree. It can be your mom, your brother, your uncle, your boss, your neighbor or your great grandmother! The only requirement they need is an ability to love you for you and never judge your decisions and way of life. Once you find this person, appoint them “Official Mentor,” and prep them by giving them permission to correct you when the story you are telling yourself gets cloudy and dark. 

I believe mentorship should exist in many forms. In your marriage, nothing is more satisfying than being coached by your husband or your wife. I don’t know a single unhappy couple that practices this in their marriage. In your relationship with your children, nothing will bring you more happiness than correcting the fictional story that a son or daughter is telling him or herself about their own value and worth. 

Look for opportunities to be a mentor for someone. Always believe in people. You never know when your words will carry meaning to someone’s heart that will change them forever. You do NOT need to have some special talent to be a mentor for someone. 

After my mother passed away 9 months ago, I went to her house to see the little things she left behind. Hanging right by the phone in the kitchen was a post it note that read, “What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other.”

My mother mentored me in her own quiet yet powerful way. I sure do miss her.

Until next week, keep that chin up. (A line that Dr. B used to say to me before I’d leave the office each day)

This article is a feature from the series, “From the Mouth of Dr. Nicolas.” You can listen to “El Show del Dr. Nicolas” every Wednesday from 8 a.m. – 9 a.m. on 1190AM. Visit the official website at www.DrNicolasShow.com

If you have any questions regarding this topic, and would like to make an appointment for a free consultation, visit RisasDental.com, or follow Dr. Nicolas on Twiiter @DrNicolasShow or “LIKE” his page on Facebook at Facebook.com/DrNicolasShow

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