Finding Love Again: When the New Love has A Child

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By: Jessica Danielle Ramirez

He’s a great guy with outstanding qualities, shared values and strong connection. You may have different tastes in music but you share a similar sense of humor. Oh yes — and he has a kid.

While some may believe a child linked to the guy you’re interested in is a deal breaker, to others it is an opportunity to get to know the person and the children in their life.

Some might think twice and seek advice before entering a relationship where a child is involved. Dating and relationships Coach Gladys Diaz said, “If someone believes that seeing a person with children will bring drama or “complications” to the relationship, they will focus on that and warn you to “beware” of dating him.”

On the positive side, however, you’ll be able to observe his parenting skills.

“If your man and his ex have an amicable relationship, where they’ve put their differences aside for the sake of the children, that’s a great sign that he’s committed to making the happiness of the people he loves a priority,” she said.

There are also situations where the guy and his ex aren’t on the best of terms and in that case, it’s best to step away from the problem.

“There’s no need to make someone else’s drama your own, and, if your happiness is important to him, trust that he’ll do what he can to have their relationship have as little impact as possible on his and your relationship,” Diaz explained. 

But what if we’re talking about the woman being the single parent? Is it possible to find love once again?

Of course it is. However, the trick is finding the time and balance of being able to go out on dates while keep up on being super Mami.

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“If she has family support, shares custody with her ex, and understands that she’s entitled to be happy, make time for herself, and love and be loved again, she will find ways to create time to see someone who she feels is worth it,” Diaz said.

One valuable element in finding love again starts with priorities. Diaz advises women to take time every day to do two or three activities that will make you feel happy and relaxed.

“Guilt is a useless emotion, and feeling guilty about spending time with your girlfriends, going out to dance, or going on a date doesn’t serve you or your children,” she explained.  “Instead, you’ll be teaching your children that you value and love yourself as much as you love them and that you don’t have to “sacrifice” your happiness or your dreams to be a good mom.”